“It’s not that I am tired of waiting… it’s that I am tired of not knowing.”
Mars and Venus … those planets which constantly collide yet still don’t understand each other. Here is a little plain talk (or planet talk, if you will) about the collision of these two wonderful planets. I am still convinced that it is a man’s world and I am okay with that… really. But I don’t think being a woman in a man’s world is a bad thing. I think we women would actually be a little miffed if we were treated just like a man. I know women differ and the women who are striving to be better than men or to outdo men will not identify with me in this blog. For those who like having doors opened for you, being given flowers and being treated like a lady… for those who enjoy being set apart from men… read on.
Do you remember when we were children and the boys would have a “boys only” club? Yes, I realize they do that when they get older too and that is okay – we women like our girls’ only time as well. It is important for both species to have that. But didn’t it intrigue us when we were shut out? What were they doing? Why were we excluded? It isn’t that we wanted to be initiated in their club and have to eat a slimy worm or prove we were tough, but we were just curious about what they were doing. We just wanted to know what went on behind that “Girls Keep Out” sign.
For the women who are secure in themselves and know what they want out of life, it is easy for us to have things all mapped out. We trust our instincts. We know what we will wear the next day and even have a backup if it we change our mind. When it comes to love – it’s no different. Women who have actually fallen in love (and having moved passed the infatuation stage) know what they want for their future. Not just for them, but for the man they are in love with. They see what good can come for both of their lives. And, it drives us crazy when a man cannot see this.
As men second guess or brood over the topic of “forever” a woman seems to be waiting for him to catch up. It’s not that a woman minds waiting for the actual merging of lives, but it’s the ‘not knowing’ – waiting just to find out if there will even BE a merging. We women put our whole heart into something we are sure of and when a woman puts so much of herself into something she deems as worthwhile and something she has made a part of her life, problems arise with uncertainty. Uncertainty is not good for a woman. She will strive to have that certainty and the security of love she requires that was instilled in her from Eve. To have the protective Adam-arms wrapped around her letting her know she is his and he knows her worth and will keep her and love her.
Why would a woman put so much effort into something that is uncertain? When men come across non-committal, a woman is not going to waist her time nurturing and cultivating the relationship. And the wishy-washy man who plays on a woman’s emotions and gives her the idea that he wants to marry her yet runs for cover whenever the word is mentioned, is being unfair to both of them. Women like a man to be strong and decisive – either you are in or you are out. Isn’t that part of the essence of man? To be strong, solid and unwavering?
We girls felt secure when our fathers were stern and ‘bottom-lined’ us. While our mothers empathized and consoled us when we were upset, (which we needed) we could always count on our fathers to lay it out straight (which we also needed).
And when men cannot lay it straight or bottom line something so important in a relationship…especially when WE can, it makes a woman wonder if she is on a fault line and the earth will quake. It isn’t the waiting… it is not knowing. Her love is unshakable, her love is solid and her love is forever. Having that love is rare and when it happens, a woman’s most innate quality is to nurture. We spend time and effort on our relationship and putting energy into Mars and building him up.
If Mars is aloof about the future especially after it was already talked about, then Venus feels lied to. She feels that everything she believed in and the certainty she had is now on shaky ground. It is instilled for women (especially while living in a man’s world) to feel secure in whatever she does or whomever she chooses to love.
It is her nature to find that solid footing. Mars doesn’t seem to understand this. He feels pressured into providing Venus with answers he doesn’t even have. But that is not what Venus wants. Venus can obtain the answers on her own. Sometimes she is right and sometimes she is wrong, but she is sure of her direction and confident to keep moving forward. To stand still or to go backward is detrimental to a relationship.
Relationships must continue to grow. What if a plant stopped growing? It would die. Taking time and allowing things to happen naturally is important, but ‘keeping them from happening’ is a clear sign you are not ready for a relationship and it is selfish to take what Venus is whole-heartedly giving if you are not headed in the same direction with her.
The funny thing is, that Mars knows deep down what is in his own heart, but men are thinkers and they must mull over everything. When Venus doesn’t understand this, she is apt to feel rejected and unprotected and she will close down. This is where the colliding of planets can be painful and cause injury. If they planets have open arms and fall into an embrace, the impact of the collision is protected and comforting whereas if one of the planets are closed off, the impact will throw them both off course.
Mars, take your time… it is okay. It is what Venus loves about you. That you want to have all the planets aligned and in order… but let Venus know if you are just orbiting or if you plan for landing.
If Mars is only thinking about his shuttle-take-off, that is irresponsible. The excitement of the shuttle-take-off is great, but you must also know where and if you are going to make a safe landing. Venus knows. Venus is a woman living in a man’s world – yet she has the quality we usually admire in men – absoluteness. Solidarity. Unwavering strength. If men aren’t …maybe it is time you Mars up.
Men don’t have to rush into anything, they don’t have to have all the answers of ‘how’ and ‘when’… but women need to see that a man knows what he wants – and if is isn’t her, then why string her along? If you are there, then let her know that, because she cannot continue to give so much of herself if you are not her Adam, the one who sees her worth, who will protect her and love her.
Just knowing where you are, Mars and Venus, is the biggest hurdle in a relationship. It’s not “getting there” that is the problem…. it is knowing you both are heading in the same direction.
Make a list.
List all of the reasons why you shouldn’t be together. And then list all of the things that need to happen before you would merge your lives. If you even have a list of ‘why you shouldn’t be together’ – end it now before you both get hurt. And as you look over your list of what needs to happen before merging your lives, ask what is realistic and necessary. Some couples say they will wait to have a baby ‘when they can afford it’ and the truth everyone has found, is that that will never happen. Sometimes you just have to take those first steps and not have all the answers.
When Mars and Venus collide, it is up to both planets how the collision will be. Embracing or injury. What do you want?