It has been a while since a man has made the effort to create romance for me. Part of this is my fault, because I don’t make the effort to have a relationship too often. I am choosy about my time and the timing in my life as well as whom I let in my circle. But when I have taken the chance to date or let someone get to know me, there is still something missing when it comes to romance. It just seems that men have stopped taking the time, thought and effort to create romance for a lady.
What is Romance?
Romance is not just having good manners, opening a door or taking a woman out to dinner. There is a certain mood and ambiance that goes with it but also – the heart. That isn’t to say that a man has to be in love with a woman to create a little romance, so men who are commitment-shy do not have to wait until they meet the right person, before trying a little romance. Romance is something that has taken thought, time and energy where a woman feels respected, appreciated and made to feel worth the effort a man has made.
Some men claim that they are ‘just not creative’. I don’t think you have to be the ingenious, artsy type who can come up with a spectacular flash mob dance or a wildly over the top video-recorded Youtube sensation. There is a difference between romance and ‘showing off’.
When I go out with a man and we are ‘just getting out together’ for something to do – then I don’t mind to go ‘Dutch’ and pay my way if we agree to just hang out and blow off some boredom, but if he is asking me on a date – then yes, by all means, I expect him to pay for the date and open doors for me.
It isn’t that a woman is helpless, but it is an old fashioned gesture that I don’t think should ever end. It lets a woman know that she is respected. I am a very independent woman and if I am just going on a hike or to the ranch with someone and I have on my boots or we are just out and about (and if I am the one driving, I don’t need a man to open my car door) but if I am being taken to dinner and – especially if I am wearing heels, please open my door and treat me like a lady.
Now, beyond the dinner date… what else is there that a man can do to be considered romantic? Romance does not have a huge price tag. There are things that a man can do that does take a little jingle from their pocket (and when a man does that, it really does show that he values a woman and their time together) but it doesn’t have to always be about cost. The ‘cost’ of being romantic can actually be the time it takes.
Writing a handwritten letter, taking her on a drive up the mountain and getting out to look at the stars; giving her a small gift that shows you ‘know her’ – these are small things. The bigger things would come of course, after you may be in a relationship – but the point is, you ‘make an effort’ for her. You show her that you respect her and that you want to treat her as a lady and you value who she is as a person.
This is different than ‘wooing’ her. To me, wooing a woman can be nothing more than pretense. A man can pretend to respect, treat a woman like a lady and then expect something from her in a physical way … we ladies call this ‘being a player’ and I am sure we all have had enough of that. When a woman wants ‘real’ …and a man wants ‘real’… you both put away the game-playing and you actually think about the other person. Yes, romance takes thought.
Maybe it is easier for a woman to be more romantic since we have that emotional and nurturing gene that comes automatic for us, but when a man wants to show romance – no matter what type of man he is – he can be romantic.
Romance is not about sex, but because men do think about sex …a lot – then let’s take look at romance almost as ‘foreplay’. It is the ‘building up’ of what you are trying to do that is the most exciting. Sure the climax is great, but think of all those feelings ‘just before’. The building up is a rush that can’t be explained and even though, men may be wired as microwaves while women are more crock pots (no, I didn’t say crack-pot, though I know we have all had our fair share of those) men actually appreciate foreplay once they put the time and effort into it.
So romance, is the building up of where you may want to go in your relationship. It shows a woman the potential you have in making a relationship count. If men are not ready for something serious, that is okay – trust me, there are women who are not ready for that either, but to make a romantic gesture isn’t a commitment. Men and women can bring romance without the fear that it means ‘forever’. It simply means that you take a little time and effort for another person that you want to date.
The ultimate show of romance, of course, is when you want to have a serious relationship and you go beyond the giving of flowers, or writing a letter. It may involves intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex, it can just mean a touch or a kiss or a closeness that you share.
I like to be kissed. I think kissing is an art form as well as affection. I think there are people who are great at it and people that do it badly. Our lips are conduits. Our lips have sensitivity that creates a flowing energy traveling all throughout our body. First through our minds and then through the rest of our body. There are different ways to kiss and that has to do with mood and ambiance as well. If I am out in public, I don’t want to be kissed more than ‘on the cheek’ or a quick touch on the lips. But when it is appropriate, here is how I like to be kissed…
The Art of Kissing
The Gentle Kiss
A man and woman don’t have to be touching when they reach in for a soft, gentle brushing of lips. This can be a seductive kiss as well as an innocent one depending on the mood and ambiance. This kiss says that a man wants to take time for me. He likes the actual taste of my lips or the fragrance of my hair… he is into me and wants to take time to show me.
The Hands-On Kiss
This is a favorite – but only if a man doesn’t have terrible hands (mechanics, machinists etc). When a man touches my face, it shows that he cares. He wants to cradle my face in his hands and look at me and he likes what he sees. He sees beyond my appearance and looks into my eyes. He sees my soul (or wants to). He is very sensory and appreciates touch. Touching my face does as much for him as it does for me. He shows that his strong, manly hands can take my feminine face in his hands and be gentle and loving. A man can overpower a woman and this gesture shows that he can be that 800 pound horse that can contain his strength and nuzzle. It is ‘strength under control’.
The Hungry Kiss
This kiss is dangerous. It can lead to more – so make sure you are ready for that or have the power to stop if you aren’t in an intimate relationship with the person. This kiss is filled with passion and can have hands-on as well. You press your lips into the other person’s lips in a way that shows you want to be closer. You desire them and it shows with this kiss. This kiss can be open-mouthed or simply just lips colliding. It shows that you are very comfortable with the person – not just physically but emotionally.
The Open-mouth Kiss
This kiss is tricky and here is where ‘bad kissing’ can come into play. I am not a Saint Bernard so I do not drool. I don’t want to kiss a Saint Bernard. When kissing is open-mouthed, please ‘take breaks’ and close off the kiss even if you plan to continue kissing. When a man just keeps his mouth open the whole time and has a tongue war with me, that is a turn off. I think some men do this to ‘give an idea of their other talents’ and it ruins the kiss. KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid.
This can be very reserved or very intimate. If you kiss the neck and move around with your kisses, it is definitely going to lead to more – be prepared for that or keep your lips in one place and understand where your kissing partner is in that regard. Kissing on the hand or forehead is a charming gesture that shows protection. But it depends on the mood. You could be relaying that you are not into a woman and that is all you are willing to give her and never plan to call her again. But if the mood is right and you are showing her you are interested, this kiss can be very romantic and show that you respect her and will let her lead the intimacy level in her timing.
Kissing IS romance if it is combined with mood and ambiance. It isn’t just physically telling someone you like them. It isn’t just something to do because it is fun. Kissing really is an art and it is a romantic thing if you make the effort to understand what it is you are conveying and if you have the timing and mood lined up.
The Romance-Novel Guy
Romance isn’t hard, it just takes time – and that seems to be something people have very little of today. I have never had a man go beyond a few of the little steps to romance. I have had flowers bought for me, I have had love letters, and special kisses… but I have never had a man be the romance-novel guy. No, I don’t mean that they should grow their hair longer than mine and go around with their shirt off, but the things a girl really dreams of, seems to be something men just never do.
Take Initiative, Take Time
Taking initiative to create romance and going beyond what is ‘easy’ and putting extra effort in the time it takes or the cost.
When I think of ultimate acts of romance, I think about those things we read about in novels or see in a good chick-flick. The wine (or champagne) the fireplace and the alone time are ‘the staging’ of a romantic scene. To think of it, and to take charge of something to make it work – is where most men fall short. Men don’t have to jump on a horse and hold his sword in the air to show his manliness. He doesn’t have to beat another man up or strut his macho-istic man card by being a bully – especially toward a woman.
To man-up for romance, a man just needs to have an attitude of “I’ve got this”. He has taken care of things because he took the time to plan it. If he doesn’t have a lot to spend – he took the time to come up with something or to save the money to make a gesture. If he does have the money to spend, he made the choice to spend it on her without complaining about it. The man-up man, might have even taken measures to arrange for a baby-sitter for her kids, or talked with her boss to let her take time off or figured out when she would be off and ask for that time… he took care of whatever might be a concern for the woman, so that she can enjoy their time together. He may have pre-arranged with a restaurant to have a certain table or he may have reserved a bed and breakfast (and the ‘strength under control’ can come into play here, by not expecting sex, but just wanting to spend time with her and talk or dance all night). Some women may be okay with full intimacy – just make sure you are aware of her morals and feelings on that if you are just dating and not married.
There are many ways to create romance, either small gestures or gestures that may take a lot more effort. The point is – you make an effort.
Women who are not game playing and are not self-seekers or gold-diggers, will appreciate the gestures and also give back if they haven’t made romantic efforts already. And, even though women may have their careers and they may be more independent than the Scarlett O’Hara’s of the past, they still like romance and they want to know that a man isn’t afraid to be a man and take care to put effort in something for her. That, is romance.